Category: Life

Personal growth

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What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

Personal growth is unique to everyone. What one person learns from a situation or experience is likely different from someone else, either as an entirely different lesson or sheer impact/value.

I don’t know that I can recall a specific situation that I could unequivocally say helped me grow the most, but I do have something that comes to mind every so often.

This was nearly eight years ago now, way back when we were all still office workers and nobody worked from home. I was 28 and the only other guy on my small team was probably 23. A few months in I was still fairly new at my job, but they had more or less taken off the training wheels, and I was participating in projects on my own. I ran into a situation of being double booked on my calendar and had to make a decision to attend one or the other. I felt like I had an okay understanding of the dynamics of the role and my working relationship with one particular Project Manager, so I picked one meeting and sent an email with my project updates to that PM. They responded to the email, so I knew they got the message. Come time for the meetings and I could hear over the cubicle walls my name being called by that same PM I had emailed earlier. They were asking for my update! Well, I couldn’t jump to that call and it was too late to answer. The meetings end, and maybe a minute or two later my manager comes over and asks me to come to her office to discuss something. I follow her and see the younger guy on my team waiting in her office. He happened to sit closer to that one PM, and had overheard that I had been called out on the meeting and didn’t respond, so he told our manager! Well, I was chided for the incident and told that it reflected poorly on our teams reputation. I apologized for the incident and explained what I had done and that I didn’t think it would be a problem. From then on I was more careful about meeting attendance and information sharing, but unfortunately I also didn’t trust the other guy on the team.

Over the course of that year (I had started in January) the entire original team I started with had progressively left the team. The two ladies had gone to another department, and the younger guy left the company altogether. We had new people join the team in their places as the spots opened up. The entire dynamic of the team, the collective mentality of our group, changed so much (for the better) that we are so much more flexible and nimble. My manager is more understanding now, and even occasionally encourages us to do something similar to what I did that first time. Strategically, of course.

Suffice to say, I may have been the catalyst of change on the whole team. Eight years later our team’s reputation has never been stronger.

Fate and a Universal Destiny

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Daily writing prompt
Do you believe in fate/destiny?
View all responses

I’m not a religious individual, so this post won’t be laced with theological philosophy or anything of the sort.

But when it comes to fate and/or destiny, I do have a perspective on it that I feel is worth sharing because I don’t know that many people at all think in this way.

Under the preconceived ideas of Fate and Destiny (with the capital letters) being some grand predetermined order of events that are guaranteed to happen regardless of anyone else’s desires, I don’t believe in that. I’m not fond of the idea of a “higher being” having that kind of absolute control (for reasons I won’t go into just yet.) I DO believe that you could consider there to be some aspect of fate/destiny that is outside of our control on an individual level.

Everything we do every day of our lives has impact or meaning, whether we think so or not. I’m not talking about the scale of something like “the butterfly effect” but it is similar. Every decision you make, conscious or not, changes the world around you, and therefore, the world around everyone else. The same is true in reverse, and so it goes on back and forth like that forever. It’s impossible to know every little detail of what kind of chain reaction you can cause by slamming on your brakes or slicing that golf shot really bad despite knowing you are off your game today. Every choice. Cause and effect.

If you understand the idea behind all of that, then you have some idea of where I’m going with this. There IS some kind of destiny or fate to this world based purely on the fact that SOMETHING happens SOMEWHERE because of something else that happened. It doesn’t matter if you can think one step ahead or twenty on what possible things can happen, but if you can imagine it happening then it likely will happen that way if you follow through on that initial choice.

So, with that in mind, take a moment to think about the things you do. The things that other people around you do every day. Which direction the influence goes. Throw that out the window, because in the grand scheme of the Universe none of it mattered because things “happen for a reason” and you can’t fully control everything in your life.

Don’t think too hard about it, just live your life and be kind in the process. Even if you aren’t thinking about it, whatever small kindness you provide can go a long way and it very likely cost you nothing. You can put that kindness into the world and help change its destiny (or not because something someone else did might cancel it out, but you can live with the knowledge that you did good and put that into the world.)

Just be kind, and fate/destiny will unfold as it will regardless.

Work is work

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Do you enjoy your job?

I won’t divulge much detail into the work I do, but I can say I do enjoy my job. The work itself can be tough but rewarding, and (most of) the people I work with are very nice.

Solving problems, leading conversations and meetings, discovering and defining best practices. My work projects have covered a wide variety of things and I’ve learned quite a lot in the eight plus years I’ve been here. Though, I really do think that it’s the people I work for and with that make it worthwhile to stay and not seek out new opportunities elsewhere. Our team hasn’t changed much, but the portfolio of work we handle has grown and evolved. All of that makes it easy to stay engaged and stick around.

I present a cat

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Work has been taking up a lot of my mental capacity these last couple of weeks, which has pushed me to write my daily posts later and later. I don’t want to miss out on that, so instead of answering the daily prompt I give you a cat!

My roommates have been out of town so Boogie here has been extra lovey with me.

24 hours in someone else’s shoes

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If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

There are far too many options, too many people from all walks of life, that I could pick from for this prompt. If I only had one day, I would want to be able to live and see the world through the eyes of someone who I don’t understand. Why? To gain perspective so that I might better understand the world we live in.

I have a much better understanding of the lives of the “99%” in this country. I can’t truly empathize with anyone who has lived with racial prejudice, but there are still certain things I can see where I can pick out the cause and effect. So with that in mind, if I really had the chance to be someone else for a day I would pick someone from the “1%” so that I might better understand what makes them tick. So that I can, after the day is up, take that knowledge and pass it along. Are we, the vast majority of everyone else, anything in the eyes of someone like that? Probably not, but I’d like confirmation. If I could figure out that, then I could probably figure out how to fix things for the better and turn those billionaires into a true force for good instead of greed.

Is this lofty and empty purely for the fact that it can’t really happen? Absolutely, but that doesn’t change the need for rich people to properly respect those that have been used and abused to build their industries and empires.

DIY ambitions

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Describe the most ambitious DIY project you’ve ever taken on.

I’m no stranger to getting my hands dirty and doing work myself rather than hiring someone. I do respect professionals and the work they do, and I’ll ask for their help in areas I know nothing about or am too scared to take on. Sometimes, though, you just have to Do It Yourself.

The most ambitious of these projects was working on my motorcycle last summer. I had been needing to get new tires for it for a number of years but I kept putting it off. In the process of putting it off, I let the bike sit. And sit. And sit. For a good few years. Because of this choice I ultimately had to replace more than just the tires.

Last summer in July I finally got off my ass and scheduled some time to get those tires. I knew I had to do some work on the bike to get it running, and I had a couple weeks to figure that out. I forgot to disconnect the battery when not in use, so I knew that was shot. It was also the starting place for the rabbit hole.

So, I replaced the battery and tried to start it. Nothing. It wanted to crank and turn over but nothing happened. Off to Google and YouTube I went to figure out what to do next. Everything I checked seemed to indicate that it was the carburetor that had a problem.

I spent quite a lot of time trying to get the carburetor off. So much time that I couldn’t get the tires replaced when I wanted. I ended up going through the effort to remove the wheels in their entirety just to take those to the dealership rather than find a way to get the whole motorcycle there.

At this point the bike was on stands, no wheels, no carburetor.

With the wheels in the hands of the dealership to get the tires replaced, I still had time to work on the carburetor. That took quite a lot of work. I had taken the carburetor apart, soaked it in chemicals, sprayed it clean, and reassembled. Nothing. It still didn’t work. So I checked Google and YouTube again. This led me to the carburetor rebuild kit.

This whole project took me weeks to do. Several trips to the auto part store. So many tools and parts purchased and ordered. But in the end, I did it. I got the carburetor rebuilt and reinstalled. The battery was replaced. I even replaced the spark plugs. And it finally turned over! I got it running. Eventually I got the wheels back, complete with new tires, and put those back on.

I think it took about six weeks, beginning to end. So much wait time. Sadly, the Summer was mostly over. I did get to ride a few times to and from work to make sure it ran fine before I put it up for the Winter. This time, though, I properly winterized it and put it up. Fingers crossed it runs again in the Spring without much effort!

The heavy weight of a ban

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If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

There are so many words to choose from, and many reasons to ban one, but I honestly couldn’t think of one that I would personally choose to ban from “general usage”.

This is likely due to the fact that I am a white male in the USA who does not have to worry about words having significant meaning to me culturally regardless of positive or negative connotation. So, on a serious level, I would have to defer to others that have been situations or live every day with disparaging and hateful words hanging over them.

On a comedic level I’m sure I could pick out a word and ban it from “general usage” so that people stop using it outside of the correct context, like the word cake for example. I’m not sure what word out there this could apply to, but I’m sure there is one that would lead to absolutely silly results as people try to figure out how to describe things again. That could be a good time.

Six month outlook

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What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months?

I won’t exactly know if this will be the biggest challenge, but it will certainly be a big one.

For nearly ten years I have lived with my roommate. In that time we’ve had other roommates come and go, and a couple years ago he met his partner. They have multiple pets together, and now they also have a baby. So, the house is feeling a little small.

So, some time in the next six months, I’m hoping to move out. The challenge: finding a place to live that meets my needs and wants. Could be an apartment, but hopefully it’s a house. We’ll see what I can pull off, but the need for my own space is more apparent than ever.

Again, no idea if I’ll encounter a bigger challenge, but that’s what I have my sights set on.

Advice for my past self

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What advice would you give to your teenage self?

I feel like I was asked this question years ago, and I wish I had noted down somewhere the advice I may have thought about giving. Then I could see if there is a difference in what I’m thinking is relevant and important advice.

As for the actual advice I would give, it would be something related to my current life situation or important situations that I’ve dealt with that I feel like I should have handled differently.

Like working out and eating right.

There’s still time for me to work on those things even now, but life in general would be much easier if I had developed better habits around fitness and exercise. My health would be consistently better than it has been, and I would have better self-confidence. So I would definitely tell my teenage self to get in shape and stay in shape. That it takes time and commitment but the rewards would be worth it.

When life gets boring

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What bores you?

I don’t want to say something like “I’m never bored” because that feels a little cliche and unbelievable, but I don’t really run into much that will actively turn off my attention to whatever is in front of me.

With that in mind, I could give an example of a potential situation but it doesn’t happen too often. When I play Magic with my usual group there are times when I run into a situation where I’m not drawing the cards I need and basically can’t play anything. So I sit there and watch, waiting in hopes I draw into a thing I can actually do. I don’t usually let it get to me, because I like to watch them play even if I’m struggling. I can provide commentary, crack jokes, read their cards and think through how everything connects and interacts on each of their  boards. So it’s not like I get BORED bored, but there’s always a chance that I feel like I’ve already seen and done everything I could, so I look for something else to do while I wait.

Situations like I’ve described above don’t happen too often, where I’m in the middle of something but am powerless to do anything. I try to make the most of the situation to avoid boredom.

The other thing to mention for all of this is that I also make sure I put myself in situations where I don’t risk being bored. That part can be tough, but it’s doable. Just make sure I’m engaging with something of interest and be knowledgeable enough to get through it. This way, there’s always something for me to do, because there truly IS always something out there to do.