I was fortunate enough to be able to go to college, but growing up, I was led to believe that college life would be very different from what I personally experienced. There were certain expectations I had mainly due to the way things were portrayed in movies and television, but also because of personal experiences through seeing how my older brother and his peers were living.
Well, those expectations went unfulfilled.
For myself, college was a different experience than what I would have originally thought to be “normal” and that’s what I feel like I missed out on.
I didn’t move out of my parents house, and ended up living at home on the farm for the entire duration of my time in college, which I fully acknowledge as an overall good thing. However, I never got the experience of moving to a different city and living in a dorm with people my own age. There weren’t any crazy parties, and I didn’t meet a LOT of people I could have been friends with, nor meet any potential romantic partners. (That also means I basically stayed out of trouble.) I didn’t have to find a job and move into an apartment to make it through the latter half of that time at college. To be fair, I did work the entire time, from beginning to end, because I had to drive a lot just to attend classes, I just didn’t need to work to pay rent and bills in the traditional sense.
Honestly, though, with all that being said, I’m not really sad about how it all turned out. After all , because of those choices and differences, things worked out well enough. I just sometimes look back and wonder how my life would have been different, how I would be different, had I attended a more “standard” university and gone through the stereotypical college experience.
I’m one of those people who likes to procrastinate and do my “best work” under pressure of a looming deadline, usually. I also seem to perform well when I have a lot on my plate and I have to really get myself organized so I can effectively juggle several projects at once.
How does this translate to the actual prompt, though? I think the procrastinating method can be beneficial for both competition and collaboration, but the latter method works best in collaborative settings. That’s what I think, anyways.
Honestly, this is something I’ve never fully understood, in general, about people’s behavior toward one another.
I don’t believe I’ve ever caused a customer service person grief, and that’s because of personal experience. I’ve been in that role multiple times in my life. From the video game store to food service. I know what they have to deal with on a daily basis, and I wouldn’t wish grief or anything of the sort upon them. The vast majority of times they’re just trying to do their job and get through their day. They aren’t out to get you or your family, and they aren’t trying to get in your way. Why treat them like they’re less than human over any of it?
Just be nice to each other out there. Especially this time of year.
Simply put, a lot of things I could do boil down to the same kind of solution.
Have someone else guide and motivate me through my problems.
At work? To make things easier, I need to educate myself on a system, and all of my searching online isn’t yielding results lately, so I’m asking for outside assistance from someone my company works with currently.
At home or in private? Well, for starters, I could make my life easier if I had a personal trainer, but that costs money. Having that personal trainer would make me obligated to actually stick with something because I wouldn’t want to waste their time (or my money) and I could learn a lot from them outside of just exercise routines. I would need to eat better to fuel the workouts, and they could provide guidance in that department.
I’m sure there are other areas of my life that I could go into detail about, but the solution I’m seeing for them all still seems to be that external source of guidance and motivation.
What did you wish was different about your childhood? How has that impacted who you are today?
I snagged this prompt from a site called Sage and Bloom on a post about personal growth and self-improvement, and this one in particular grabbed my attention not because it was near the top of the list (though that did help) but because it’s regarding something I don’t often talk about in general.
My biological mother died when I was about twelve years old. She fought a hard battle against cancer, but the medical research and financial costs of cancer care in the late 90’s just wasn’t like it is today.
So, the thing I wish was different about my childhood would be never having lost my mom as a kid. My two older siblings had more time with her, got to know her better, and saw their dreams supported better. I didn’t really get much of that, and my younger brother got even less.
I can for sure say that what I did get from her was my love of video games, particularly FPS and puzzle/room escape types of games. Her favorites, as best I recall, were Doom, Doom 2, Quake, Quake 2, Quake 3 Arena, Myst, Riven, Phantasmagoria, 7th Guest, and The 11th Hour.
The games aside, losing her caused me to become a little jaded and spiral through waves of childhood depression. Low effort in school and only wanting to be left alone with games because all I saw was some kind of futility to life.
I look back on the events leading up to her death and I see pieces of how her loss shaped who I’ve become today, but I also see how others were impacted.
My lack of a serious religious upbringing is mostly because my parents never kept a Bible in the house (that I ever knew of) and the fact that we relied on other families/friends to bring us along to church or church-affiliated activities, but nothing was ever really forced on us. Watching my mom struggle through to the end, and the things other people did around her, was what eventually reinforced where I am today in terms of religion and faith. Her best friend (the mom of my best friend at the time) had brought a pastor to pray with her for my mom. I don’t know what was said in her hospital room, I just know that they were in there because I could see them through the glass. Although I didn’t recognize it at the time, I would acknowledge it years later as a defining moment in why I am not religious. No matter how much they prayed, it wouldn’t change anything. My full belief as an adult is much more nuanced, shaped by a myriad of other things that I’ve seen or experienced thus far in my life, but I’ll leave that for other posts (should I get around to them.)
Another impact of her loss was how my relationship with my family changed.
Dad was always busy, working harder and harder to make sure he could provide for us, but after losing my mom he was also looking for a partner to help support him and vice versa.
My sister was always on the go and doing things but because of my childhood depression in middle school she was at one point roped into trying to help me in a therapy-like way despite the fact that she herself was still only in high school.
A lot of responsibilities fell to my older brother to support my younger brother and I. He had dropped out of college (although that was most likely for different reasons than just simply taking care of us) and was driving my younger brother and I to and from school, taking us grocery shopping, and ultimately spiraling into alcoholism fueled by his own depression. The events that would eventually lead up to all of our family living in South Dakota include some things that involve my older brother and his alcoholism, which shaped how I view alcohol (and a big reason I don’t drink.) Had our mom still been alive I’m sure things would have gone very differently for him as well.
As far as my younger brother goes, I can’t for sure say what affects came from losing our mom. Like I mentioned earlier, he knew her the least. I’m sure that our dad remarrying had a strong impact, but I can’t tell how it relates to the rest.
I’m sure I’m probably missing other things, things I just didn’t see or maybe things I repressed, but I’ll leave it there for today. Life would be majorly different if Mom were still here with us.
Leading isn’t for everyone. If it was, we would constantly run into the issue of “too many cooks in the kitchen”. What makes a good leader can also be a bit subjective, but I’m sure if I did some digging (beyond my fuzzy memory of professional symposiums and conventions) I would be able to point out specific traits that have been identified through extensive study.
Additionally, there is a BIG difference between being a manager and a leader.
Being a leader, in my opinion, requires empathy. Lots of it. Without it you can’t understand the needs of the people following you. Being a GOOD leader requires self-control with that empathy, because otherwise it’s possible to be swept up in the emotion and problems of everyone else. Leaders need to look out for the good of the group, and not allow themselves to be consumed by the needs of one person.
Leaders also participate in the work being done. They work alongside everyone, not lording above them, to accomplish their goals. Understanding the work and the needs of the people doing it is a necessity.
The final thing I’ll say about what I think makes a good leader is centered around accountability. Accountability for themselves AND their people. They know when to own a mistake and not just shift blame. They understand that sometimes there are consequences and they’re responsible for making sure things are taken care for the good of the group, such as if someone else were to make a mistake they would provide some measure of corrective action and guidance for improvement. It’s not all bad, though. A good leader, when thinking about accountability, also knows how to celebrate the successes of others and raise them up for due recognition because that provides a positive example to others of what it means to be accountable for the work being done.
I mentioned before about there being a difference between being a manager and a leader. Take all of the examples above and reverse them. Managers simply tell people what to do but they don’t always understand the work being done. They can lack empathy and simply see people as means to an end. They punish others by shifting blame away from themselves when they make a mistake, and they don’t often celebrate the successes of others unless it celebrates themselves.
Granted, there are exceptions to what I’ve stated above about managers, but if you find someone with the title of “Manager” and they’re doing all the right things that make a good leader then they’re not a manager. They are a leader who may be unduly recognized for their skills. If that sounds like your own “Manager” and you have a good team around you then I’d wager that not only are they a good leader, but also the reason people stick around.
The Dragon's Grove 