This is hard to imagine. When I think back to growing up in Colorado, I’m reminded of the fact that my two older siblings and myself all went through middle and high school independently of each other. I shared part of that time with my younger brother, and as adults we’re very similar, but we’re definitely different from our two older siblings. So if we were all the same age? I think we would be okay, overall, but I don’t know that I would be close enough friends with my older brother because he would still be off doing his own thing.
I can’t say anything specific about how I might relate to my nieces and nephews if they were the same age as me, because personally they haven’t developed enough emotionally/mentally to have a strong connection with me on my level. That being said, if for some reason we flipped the script on the prompt by saying I was suddenly the same age as them? Yes, I could see myself getting along with them as friends.
Now, time to consider my dad, who is almost twice my age. Given the different eras we grew up in, with different values and priorities, I don’t know that I would get along with him if he were my age. Honestly, he seems like a very different person from the man I knew growing up in Colorado to who he is today (and has been for the better part of the last decade.)
Truly, this prompt is a difficult thought experiment to run in my mind. It’s hard to judge the potential character of people who haven’t grown up yet, or who have aged out of the norms of society, and determine if you could be friends with them.
How did you bond with one of the best friends you’ve ever had?
“500 Journal Prompts” by Robert Duff
I found this prompt via a reddit post, and this one caught my attention as I glanced over the first dozen or so. The following post is actually going to cover two people who are basically from the same source.
I don’t believe I’ve mentioned how I landed in my current situation, but it started back in college about 2009 or 2010. My dad, who worked at the technical university I ended up going to, mentioned that one of his colleagues had a daughter about my age that was also attending classes there, and that maybe I’d run into her in a shared class. I’ll admit, at first I had mixed feelings about this possibility. I hadn’t made a great many friends while attending classes because of the huge age range of the students (anywhere from 18 to 65) and the fact that this university didn’t have campus housing because all the programs were designed around working adults trying to get a degree to basically change careers. So, this potential new friend was an exciting opportunity to meet someone more my age that I might actually be able to commiserate with because we had something in common (both our dad’s working together) but at the same time I couldn’t help but have a sneaking suspicion that my dad might be trying to set me up with her. Regardless, we did end up having a class together.
Unfortunately, that class was Computer Assisted Statistics. I wasn’t great with Statistics to begin with, but something that made it worse was the teacher. It turned out that my dad’s colleague, this young lady’s dad, was our teacher. Before I get too far, he is a super nice guy! There weren’t any issues with him as a person or him potentially targeting me for sitting next to his daughter. Rather, the issue that a great many of us had was in his ability to teach the material at the time. Even his daughter struggled to learn from him, and several of us did fairly poorly in the class. This didn’t go unnoticed by the administration, in part because of how many of us went and complained to student advisors. So, we got a free pass to take the class again, and we forged a new friendship through awkward adversity.
So, this first time of taking the class is where I met one of the two people who would later go on to becoming one of my best friends. The second time we took the class is where I met the other person.
When it came time to retake the class, I ended up meeting this young lady’s boyfriend at the time. This guy was fairly nerdy and into video games, just like myself, but after that class I didn’t keep in as strong of contact with him. He was, and still is to this day, very much not socially outgoing (and this is probably part of what would lead to them peacefully ending their relationship). So, while I kept in contact with her over the following years, through graduation and beyond, he and I fell out of touch. Until a couple years or so after we had all graduated college, somewhere about 2013 or 2014, when I saw him post something on Facebook.
I was living on my own at the time, having finally moved out of my parents place, and my brother and his wife had asked me to move out of theirs to make room for their growing family. I was struggling to find things to do at home during my downtime because I also was not exceptionally social (which kind of worked against me living in a downtown apartment, where I could walk to the bars and meet people). At some point I spotted his post about building PC’s, and I don’t know what really compelled me to do it, but I sent him a message! I hadn’t actually talked to the guy much before, even when we were taking classes together, but his post intrigued me, and everything was downhill from there.
We started to hang out and chat about PC part’s and then he helped me build my first gaming PC. After that, we kept in touch regularly and I met his new girlfriend at the time who seemed super nice. We all got to know each other better over the next six months or so, and then they were talking about getting a new roommate to help reduce rent costs. They knew I was paying on medical debt at the time and asked me if I thought it would be cool to move in with them. It should be obvious that I said yes without hesitation. So, we all moved in together, sharing a three bedroom apartment with one of the rooms being our shared gaming office, and I’ve been living with at least him ever since. Their relationship didn’t actually last long, sadly, and it turned out she had red flags and issues that weren’t super obvious until later. I had the unfortunate honors of helping them mediate their break up, because she tried to move out without telling either of us and screw us on the rent. Ultimately, a new friendship forged through the fires of awkward adversity.
And that’s the story of how I met two people who would go on to become some of my best friends! It’s funny, sometimes, how the world can connect people you might not have met otherwise, and go on to build strong bonds with them over time (even after long gaps of no communication!)
Yesterday evening was an interesting experience. It was my first time at a double wedding.
Some people are going to have their imaginations spike and see churches or cathedrals (or really expensive event centers), flowers everywhere, lots of people dressed in formal attire, extraordinary fancy food and cake.
Well, not here in small town South Dakota.
One of the grooms is a long time friend of mine (and previously a roommate) and he and his bride wanted to share their special day with her sister/best friend. So that’s just what they did!
It was a beautiful ceremony. Nothing extravagant, like at a huge church, but they held it at a very nice little lodge and event center on the edge of a small town (literally, the population of the town itself was below 1,000 people.) There was plenty of room for the four families and friends that attended, which was probably around 50 people or so? Dress code was practically non-existent, as people showed up in everything from blue jeans and a hoodie to something more formal. (I was worried about this part myself, and had asked my friend if it was a tie/no tie event and they said whatever we’re comfortable with.) People were very understanding about children, and even laughed and rolled with it when some struggled to stay quiet during the ceremony itself. Lots of little informal quirks during the ceremony that got laughs from everyone, including the brides and grooms. Like putting on a ring moments before being told by the officiant, or the officiant saying the other groom’s name incorrectly only to be corrected by both bride and groom (and a few others from the family section, which again drew laughs from all present).
The dinner was delicious, and again I know some people might think fancy catering, but here in South Dakota we apparently do family barbecue. The step-father of my friend’s bride/now wife had smoked something like 50-lbs of brisket and pork loin, and had started it at 2:00AM that morning! Absolutely amazing. Aside from the meats, there was baked beans, coleslaw, corn, and chips. For the dessert they didn’t do a massive wedding cake that everyone would get pieces of, but instead did cupcakes! (Personally, I think cupcakes is the way to go for events regardless of it being a wedding.)
The dance part of weddings was never my thing, but I made sure to stay for each couples first dance before I needed to leave. My roommate had also been invited (because the one groom had lived with us both at the same time) and although he wasn’t feeling well throughout the week prior (throat problems, not contagious, I promise) he felt well enough by the day of the wedding to join, so I drove us, but he was still struggling and was fading by that point, so I didn’t make him stay. It was already getting late and we had an hour long drive home.
I’ve been to multiple weddings (and part of a few) in my life, but this double wedding was my first and it was still a good time.
What did you wish was different about your childhood? How has that impacted who you are today?
I snagged this prompt from a site called Sage and Bloom on a post about personal growth and self-improvement, and this one in particular grabbed my attention not because it was near the top of the list (though that did help) but because it’s regarding something I don’t often talk about in general.
My biological mother died when I was about twelve years old. She fought a hard battle against cancer, but the medical research and financial costs of cancer care in the late 90’s just wasn’t like it is today.
So, the thing I wish was different about my childhood would be never having lost my mom as a kid. My two older siblings had more time with her, got to know her better, and saw their dreams supported better. I didn’t really get much of that, and my younger brother got even less.
I can for sure say that what I did get from her was my love of video games, particularly FPS and puzzle/room escape types of games. Her favorites, as best I recall, were Doom, Doom 2, Quake, Quake 2, Quake 3 Arena, Myst, Riven, Phantasmagoria, 7th Guest, and The 11th Hour.
The games aside, losing her caused me to become a little jaded and spiral through waves of childhood depression. Low effort in school and only wanting to be left alone with games because all I saw was some kind of futility to life.
I look back on the events leading up to her death and I see pieces of how her loss shaped who I’ve become today, but I also see how others were impacted.
My lack of a serious religious upbringing is mostly because my parents never kept a Bible in the house (that I ever knew of) and the fact that we relied on other families/friends to bring us along to church or church-affiliated activities, but nothing was ever really forced on us. Watching my mom struggle through to the end, and the things other people did around her, was what eventually reinforced where I am today in terms of religion and faith. Her best friend (the mom of my best friend at the time) had brought a pastor to pray with her for my mom. I don’t know what was said in her hospital room, I just know that they were in there because I could see them through the glass. Although I didn’t recognize it at the time, I would acknowledge it years later as a defining moment in why I am not religious. No matter how much they prayed, it wouldn’t change anything. My full belief as an adult is much more nuanced, shaped by a myriad of other things that I’ve seen or experienced thus far in my life, but I’ll leave that for other posts (should I get around to them.)
Another impact of her loss was how my relationship with my family changed.
Dad was always busy, working harder and harder to make sure he could provide for us, but after losing my mom he was also looking for a partner to help support him and vice versa.
My sister was always on the go and doing things but because of my childhood depression in middle school she was at one point roped into trying to help me in a therapy-like way despite the fact that she herself was still only in high school.
A lot of responsibilities fell to my older brother to support my younger brother and I. He had dropped out of college (although that was most likely for different reasons than just simply taking care of us) and was driving my younger brother and I to and from school, taking us grocery shopping, and ultimately spiraling into alcoholism fueled by his own depression. The events that would eventually lead up to all of our family living in South Dakota include some things that involve my older brother and his alcoholism, which shaped how I view alcohol (and a big reason I don’t drink.) Had our mom still been alive I’m sure things would have gone very differently for him as well.
As far as my younger brother goes, I can’t for sure say what affects came from losing our mom. Like I mentioned earlier, he knew her the least. I’m sure that our dad remarrying had a strong impact, but I can’t tell how it relates to the rest.
I’m sure I’m probably missing other things, things I just didn’t see or maybe things I repressed, but I’ll leave it there for today. Life would be majorly different if Mom were still here with us.
Life has a funny way of putting obstacles in our way that we find to be either insurmountable or require a sacrifice, but what if you have convinced yourself that it was life doing this and not yourself? The everyday choices we make can sometimes have unforeseen affects far into our future.
This prompt has me revisiting some of the thoughts I’ve had over the years regarding WHY I’ve made certain choices or remained where I’m at (at that time) in life.
After my family moved to South Dakota, the dynamic of my life changed dramatically. Sure, my family had some horses when I lived in Colorado, but that was a relatively recent change due to my Dad meeting and marrying my Stepmom, but I basically went from a suburban teenager to a “farm kid” practically over night. I couldn’t walk or ride my bike to go hang out with friends who all lived within a half mile radius of my house. I lived multiple country miles away from anyone in my class, and had a roughly eight mile drive just to get to school. I had to pick up daily chores to take care of all of the horses my parents kept “collecting” at the time (really they were mostly rescues or small number related to breeding.) This all adds up to a sacrifice that I had no say in and was forced to make. I don’t really regret having to go through that, because I was able to learn a lot about a completely different way of living and the hardships that some people face out here.
Not long after this time was when I would graduate high school and go on to college. I was fortunate that I lived close enough to the city to attend college while still living at home, so I took advantage of that, but it made it difficult to build meaningful relationships with my peers. That choice meant I sacrificed opportunities for social growth, and I’m lucky I even met the handful of people that I still talk to today.
Leading to college graduation and beyond is where I really look back at my life and think about the sacrifices I convinced myself I had to make. I continued to live at home until about the age of 25. I had a job and “friends” that I invested time into, but I was still stuck at home and helping out on the farm. Eventually, I did make the choice to move out, which meant sacrificing income (I lived at home practically rent free because I had an arrangement with my parents to do chores in exchange) that I had otherwise been funneling into video games and other entertainment. I didn’t move far away, as I still helped with chores on the farm, but the choices in living arrangements and jobs thereafter are where I feel I sacrificed the most. I never strayed far from home, from my family. While my sister moved further and further from home, chasing jobs and dreams (she did eventually move back home), I stagnated. Year after year, new things would come up that impacted my family in ways that I made the same sacrifices to stick around and help them out. I had convinced myself that I was kind of a “shield” for my family. That while my siblings were exploring the different facets of life, such as moving to different states (my sister) or settling down to start a family (like my younger brother) I was making the choice to miss out on those things in case they collectively needed me.
There was a point that I realized I COULD have ventured further afield, so to speak, and done more, but I was using my family as an excuse to not stray from my comfort zone. My own fears and insecurities were (and to a certain extent still are) my biggest obstacles that I keep making sacrifices to accommodate. Do I want to change jobs to try and make more money? Yes. Am I comfortable where I’m at because I’m afraid I won’t succeed? Also yes. In that regard, I have convinced myself in part that my sacrifices are that I’m needed where I’m at, which means I don’t grow professionally. Do I want to own a home? Yes, but the market where I live isn’t great for a single income unless you make more money than I do. Are there places I could go that are more affordable? Absolutely, but that means either sacrificing quality or moving out of state (which also means likely finding a new job.) I also happen to have a financially great living situation with my roommates, and it’s hard to part with that even though I’m also making a mental sacrifice to not having my own space to more deeply explore my hobbies, but I also sometimes use the housing market as an excuse to not leave. (I could totally afford to move into an apartment of my own again, but I’m just being picky about once again sharing walls with strangers.)
Life is full of sacrifices, even if they’re driven by fear and insecurities.
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts how my family has had an impact on my life, and in those posts I’ve only really mentioned my Dad or brothers. Maybe I’ve mentioned that I have a sister, but I haven’t shared much of what she has done for me.
The way my family has looked out for each other has changed throughout my life. As a kid, after our Mom passed away, my older brother did his best to help out my younger brother and I while Dad was busy working to provide for us. I don’t want to say my sister was nowhere to be seen when it came to looking out for us, but I’m sure that, outside of one particular event, she was doing what she could behind the scenes, so to speak.
A little more backstory for today’s prompt. Our Stepmom passed away a couple of years ago, and in the months that followed we all did what we could to spend time with Dad to make sure he was okay. He had been the one taking care of our Stepmom the last few years of her life battling cancer. One of the things he did was jump on the opportunity to buy the house next to my younger brother and his family. Not so he could move closer, he fully intended to stay on the farm with the horses, but so that my younger brother could move his family into it. With five kids they needed a larger house, and since our older brother was living with them it made it cramped.
So here’s where I cover the “positive thing” that my sister did for me.
I live over 30 minutes away in a major city. I have my life here. I had no idea any of this house business was going on and it all happened so quickly. My Dad had already made the decision to buy that house when he called me to say he was only considering it and ask for my opinion, as well as ask if I would like to move in with my older brother in the smaller house. Although he was asking if I would “like” to move it was very obvious he was just hoping I would jump on the opportunity. No real consideration for how I felt about it, or the fact that he was dropping this on me out of nowhere. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I told him I needed to think about it, and even though he accepted that response over the phone I could tell by his tone he was assuming it meant “yes”. My sister called me not long after I ended my call with him. She had heard what our Dad was doing and talked him down from his assumption that I would want to move. (I do want to move, and get my own place, but I want to do it on my own terms.) As much as we love our Dad, sometimes it’s hard to stand up to him when we know he means well, unless we’re standing up to him on behalf of another. So, my sister, who lived across the State at the time, stood up for me because she knew I was struggling mentally and emotionally with how to handle this abrupt situation with our Dad.
I know my Dad is likely still lonely, even though he got two new puppies last year, but I couldn’t bring myself to move closer to him (or the rest of my family.) Not when my current life would have to change drastically, and I have my sister to thank for falling on that sword. (Especially since last year, due to work, she ended up moving back this way and now shares the smaller house with our older brother.)
The Dragon's Grove 