What is something you wish people cared more about?
https://thecoffeemonsterzco.com/blogs/midnight-blogging/journaling-prompts
I’ll be blunt.
I wish people cared more about each other.
There’s too much hate and anger in the world. Simple as that.
And this applies globally, not about any singular group or nationality. Literally just everyone.
How did you bond with one of the best friends you’ve ever had?
“500 Journal Prompts” by Robert Duff
I found this prompt via a reddit post, and this one caught my attention as I glanced over the first dozen or so. The following post is actually going to cover two people who are basically from the same source.
I don’t believe I’ve mentioned how I landed in my current situation, but it started back in college about 2009 or 2010. My dad, who worked at the technical university I ended up going to, mentioned that one of his colleagues had a daughter about my age that was also attending classes there, and that maybe I’d run into her in a shared class. I’ll admit, at first I had mixed feelings about this possibility. I hadn’t made a great many friends while attending classes because of the huge age range of the students (anywhere from 18 to 65) and the fact that this university didn’t have campus housing because all the programs were designed around working adults trying to get a degree to basically change careers. So, this potential new friend was an exciting opportunity to meet someone more my age that I might actually be able to commiserate with because we had something in common (both our dad’s working together) but at the same time I couldn’t help but have a sneaking suspicion that my dad might be trying to set me up with her. Regardless, we did end up having a class together.
Unfortunately, that class was Computer Assisted Statistics. I wasn’t great with Statistics to begin with, but something that made it worse was the teacher. It turned out that my dad’s colleague, this young lady’s dad, was our teacher. Before I get too far, he is a super nice guy! There weren’t any issues with him as a person or him potentially targeting me for sitting next to his daughter. Rather, the issue that a great many of us had was in his ability to teach the material at the time. Even his daughter struggled to learn from him, and several of us did fairly poorly in the class. This didn’t go unnoticed by the administration, in part because of how many of us went and complained to student advisors. So, we got a free pass to take the class again, and we forged a new friendship through awkward adversity.
So, this first time of taking the class is where I met one of the two people who would later go on to becoming one of my best friends. The second time we took the class is where I met the other person.
When it came time to retake the class, I ended up meeting this young lady’s boyfriend at the time. This guy was fairly nerdy and into video games, just like myself, but after that class I didn’t keep in as strong of contact with him. He was, and still is to this day, very much not socially outgoing (and this is probably part of what would lead to them peacefully ending their relationship). So, while I kept in contact with her over the following years, through graduation and beyond, he and I fell out of touch. Until a couple years or so after we had all graduated college, somewhere about 2013 or 2014, when I saw him post something on Facebook.
I was living on my own at the time, having finally moved out of my parents place, and my brother and his wife had asked me to move out of theirs to make room for their growing family. I was struggling to find things to do at home during my downtime because I also was not exceptionally social (which kind of worked against me living in a downtown apartment, where I could walk to the bars and meet people). At some point I spotted his post about building PC’s, and I don’t know what really compelled me to do it, but I sent him a message! I hadn’t actually talked to the guy much before, even when we were taking classes together, but his post intrigued me, and everything was downhill from there.
We started to hang out and chat about PC part’s and then he helped me build my first gaming PC. After that, we kept in touch regularly and I met his new girlfriend at the time who seemed super nice. We all got to know each other better over the next six months or so, and then they were talking about getting a new roommate to help reduce rent costs. They knew I was paying on medical debt at the time and asked me if I thought it would be cool to move in with them. It should be obvious that I said yes without hesitation. So, we all moved in together, sharing a three bedroom apartment with one of the rooms being our shared gaming office, and I’ve been living with at least him ever since. Their relationship didn’t actually last long, sadly, and it turned out she had red flags and issues that weren’t super obvious until later. I had the unfortunate honors of helping them mediate their break up, because she tried to move out without telling either of us and screw us on the rent. Ultimately, a new friendship forged through the fires of awkward adversity.
And that’s the story of how I met two people who would go on to become some of my best friends! It’s funny, sometimes, how the world can connect people you might not have met otherwise, and go on to build strong bonds with them over time (even after long gaps of no communication!)
Yesterday evening was an interesting experience. It was my first time at a double wedding.
Some people are going to have their imaginations spike and see churches or cathedrals (or really expensive event centers), flowers everywhere, lots of people dressed in formal attire, extraordinary fancy food and cake.
Well, not here in small town South Dakota.
One of the grooms is a long time friend of mine (and previously a roommate) and he and his bride wanted to share their special day with her sister/best friend. So that’s just what they did!
It was a beautiful ceremony. Nothing extravagant, like at a huge church, but they held it at a very nice little lodge and event center on the edge of a small town (literally, the population of the town itself was below 1,000 people.) There was plenty of room for the four families and friends that attended, which was probably around 50 people or so? Dress code was practically non-existent, as people showed up in everything from blue jeans and a hoodie to something more formal. (I was worried about this part myself, and had asked my friend if it was a tie/no tie event and they said whatever we’re comfortable with.) People were very understanding about children, and even laughed and rolled with it when some struggled to stay quiet during the ceremony itself. Lots of little informal quirks during the ceremony that got laughs from everyone, including the brides and grooms. Like putting on a ring moments before being told by the officiant, or the officiant saying the other groom’s name incorrectly only to be corrected by both bride and groom (and a few others from the family section, which again drew laughs from all present).
The dinner was delicious, and again I know some people might think fancy catering, but here in South Dakota we apparently do family barbecue. The step-father of my friend’s bride/now wife had smoked something like 50-lbs of brisket and pork loin, and had started it at 2:00AM that morning! Absolutely amazing. Aside from the meats, there was baked beans, coleslaw, corn, and chips. For the dessert they didn’t do a massive wedding cake that everyone would get pieces of, but instead did cupcakes! (Personally, I think cupcakes is the way to go for events regardless of it being a wedding.)
The dance part of weddings was never my thing, but I made sure to stay for each couples first dance before I needed to leave. My roommate had also been invited (because the one groom had lived with us both at the same time) and although he wasn’t feeling well throughout the week prior (throat problems, not contagious, I promise) he felt well enough by the day of the wedding to join, so I drove us, but he was still struggling and was fading by that point, so I didn’t make him stay. It was already getting late and we had an hour long drive home.
I’ve been to multiple weddings (and part of a few) in my life, but this double wedding was my first and it was still a good time.
Sometimes I wonder about how long it takes, how old I need to be, to learn valuable lessons that others seemed to grasp well before I did. When I look to them, I also wonder if they ever really learned them in the first place or if they were naturally adept and have no idea what it would mean to “learn” those lessons.
I almost thought about titling this post around self-respect and image instead of self-importance, but I decided against it on account of perspective.
As kids, as teenagers, and even as adults, we often worry about what others think of us. What we wear, what we say, how we hold ourselves in the company of others. We get so in our own heads about all of it. And yet, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. For myself, part of me always kind of knew this, but I still couldn’t get over it.
Where I’m trying to go with all of this is to say that the lesson I wish I had learned earlier in life is to stop worrying about others perception of me, and to stop letting it affect my self-worth, self-importance, and self-esteem. Something that helped make this click is a 2-minute clip from a streamer by the name of Negaoryx who shared it on Twitter (I still refuse to call it X) of a troll in her chat that she chooses not to ignore and instead rips into them about being a piece of shit. To be clear, this persons actions are actually on the other end of the “self-importance” scale/spectrum from where I was at. I had very little self-esteem, where this troll was much more arrogant (and misogynistic, as you’ll see is called out if you watch the clip.) The words that resonated with me most actually come from near the end of the clip.
“…because you think you’re the hero of your own story, but you’re a footnote in everyone else’s.”
Those words, though not directed at me, made me realize that in this great big world, I am nobody. Yet, the same applies to everyone else. It can even go deeper if you stop to think about the fact that there are going to be billions of people in this world who never even know you exist.
So, where the troll is being put down (rightly) for being a misogynistic asshole, her words were almost uplifting to me in several ways. I don’t have to worry about what other people think of me (to a certain extent) because I could just as well be a faceless nobody to them, but I still need to remember that I am not nobody TO MYSELF. The world itself doesn’t revolve around me, but my world is everything around me. There are things I have control over, and things I don’t. It’s not worth the emotional stress of worrying about things I can’t control (other people and their perspectives) and I should only be concerned with what IS in my power to control (how I act and present myself.)
Along with all of the self-worth, -importance, and -esteem comes some amount of humility. Stop putting so much more value into what others think of you than what you think of yourself. Be happy with yourself, and not with who you want everyone else to think you are.
Provided you’re not a misogynistic piece of shit. We just need to be nice to each other.
Life has a funny way of putting obstacles in our way that we find to be either insurmountable or require a sacrifice, but what if you have convinced yourself that it was life doing this and not yourself? The everyday choices we make can sometimes have unforeseen affects far into our future.
This prompt has me revisiting some of the thoughts I’ve had over the years regarding WHY I’ve made certain choices or remained where I’m at (at that time) in life.
After my family moved to South Dakota, the dynamic of my life changed dramatically. Sure, my family had some horses when I lived in Colorado, but that was a relatively recent change due to my Dad meeting and marrying my Stepmom, but I basically went from a suburban teenager to a “farm kid” practically over night. I couldn’t walk or ride my bike to go hang out with friends who all lived within a half mile radius of my house. I lived multiple country miles away from anyone in my class, and had a roughly eight mile drive just to get to school. I had to pick up daily chores to take care of all of the horses my parents kept “collecting” at the time (really they were mostly rescues or small number related to breeding.) This all adds up to a sacrifice that I had no say in and was forced to make. I don’t really regret having to go through that, because I was able to learn a lot about a completely different way of living and the hardships that some people face out here.
Not long after this time was when I would graduate high school and go on to college. I was fortunate that I lived close enough to the city to attend college while still living at home, so I took advantage of that, but it made it difficult to build meaningful relationships with my peers. That choice meant I sacrificed opportunities for social growth, and I’m lucky I even met the handful of people that I still talk to today.
Leading to college graduation and beyond is where I really look back at my life and think about the sacrifices I convinced myself I had to make. I continued to live at home until about the age of 25. I had a job and “friends” that I invested time into, but I was still stuck at home and helping out on the farm. Eventually, I did make the choice to move out, which meant sacrificing income (I lived at home practically rent free because I had an arrangement with my parents to do chores in exchange) that I had otherwise been funneling into video games and other entertainment. I didn’t move far away, as I still helped with chores on the farm, but the choices in living arrangements and jobs thereafter are where I feel I sacrificed the most. I never strayed far from home, from my family. While my sister moved further and further from home, chasing jobs and dreams (she did eventually move back home), I stagnated. Year after year, new things would come up that impacted my family in ways that I made the same sacrifices to stick around and help them out. I had convinced myself that I was kind of a “shield” for my family. That while my siblings were exploring the different facets of life, such as moving to different states (my sister) or settling down to start a family (like my younger brother) I was making the choice to miss out on those things in case they collectively needed me.
There was a point that I realized I COULD have ventured further afield, so to speak, and done more, but I was using my family as an excuse to not stray from my comfort zone. My own fears and insecurities were (and to a certain extent still are) my biggest obstacles that I keep making sacrifices to accommodate. Do I want to change jobs to try and make more money? Yes. Am I comfortable where I’m at because I’m afraid I won’t succeed? Also yes. In that regard, I have convinced myself in part that my sacrifices are that I’m needed where I’m at, which means I don’t grow professionally. Do I want to own a home? Yes, but the market where I live isn’t great for a single income unless you make more money than I do. Are there places I could go that are more affordable? Absolutely, but that means either sacrificing quality or moving out of state (which also means likely finding a new job.) I also happen to have a financially great living situation with my roommates, and it’s hard to part with that even though I’m also making a mental sacrifice to not having my own space to more deeply explore my hobbies, but I also sometimes use the housing market as an excuse to not leave. (I could totally afford to move into an apartment of my own again, but I’m just being picky about once again sharing walls with strangers.)
Life is full of sacrifices, even if they’re driven by fear and insecurities.
The Dragon's Grove 