Tag: personal-growth

Energy Suckers

Taylor BurianLeave a comment

What are some activities or habits that drain my energy or motivation?

Not to be confused with Energy Vampires, those people that suck the energy and motivation out of you, but Energy Suckers are just about everything else. Unfortunately, there can be some overlap depending on how you go about handling different activities and habits.

For example, one of my favorite activities is playing Magic: The Gathering with friends. Usually this is a fun time, but every so often you just get into a bad round where nothing seems to be going right or you’re just not getting the cards you need to actually feel like you’re playing. You’re watching the person across from you draw card after card after card and just popping off on their turns while you’re stuck doing pretty much nothing. That’s one of those times where it just sucks the energy (and fun) out of you and you would rather just start a new hand or call it a night altogether. What can make it worse, in the “overlaps with Energy Vampires” area, is when you’re playing with someone else that happens to in a bad mood because THEY are in that unfortunate situation of not being able to do anything except sit on their hands, or this other person just happens to be a snarky asshole who likes to rub it in. I’ve actually stopped playing with some friends as often because they like to invite specific people that I just don’t vibe with anymore after too many nights of less-than-subtle jabs and taunts.

Similarly, this can happen with online gaming. Playing a specific game with people and when things just aren’t going quite right despite the normal challenges, it wears on you mentally. This is one of those things for why I never really played a lot of online multiplayer games back when I streamed a lot, and also something that baffles me as to why/how some people can slog through 8+ hours of their day playing a game that isn’t going to be fun. (Which is, sadly, what a lot of people do because they think it’s what they need to do if they want make it big in the streaming space.) What makes this more difficult is if you’re playing with random strangers and you again end up with, you guessed it, snarky assholes. (It’s one thing if they’re throwing shade at comedic times and also making themselves out to be the butt of jokes, but when they’re just full on harping on you alone and have absolutely zero positive attitude? That just sucks, period.)

Looking at other activities and habits, you can see the same things happen with them, and I’m sure I could go on and on about them but I won’t, or else I’ll just go on forever and seem stupidly nit picky. In the end, though, suffice to say, when something just isn’t going right and you’re struggling? That just sucks.

Life’s sacrifices big and small

Taylor BurianLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What sacrifices have you made in life?
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Life has a funny way of putting obstacles in our way that we find to be either insurmountable or require a sacrifice, but what if you have convinced yourself that it was life doing this and not yourself? The everyday choices we make can sometimes have unforeseen affects far into our future.

This prompt has me revisiting some of the thoughts I’ve had over the years regarding WHY I’ve made certain choices or remained where I’m at (at that time) in life.

After my family moved to South Dakota, the dynamic of my life changed dramatically. Sure, my family had some horses when I lived in Colorado, but that was a relatively recent change due to my Dad meeting and marrying my Stepmom, but I basically went from a suburban teenager to a “farm kid” practically over night. I couldn’t walk or ride my bike to go hang out with friends who all lived within a half mile radius of my house. I lived multiple country miles away from anyone in my class, and had a roughly eight mile drive just to get to school. I had to pick up daily chores to take care of all of the horses my parents kept “collecting” at the time (really they were mostly rescues or small number related to breeding.) This all adds up to a sacrifice that I had no say in and was forced to make. I don’t really regret having to go through that, because I was able to learn a lot about a completely different way of living and the hardships that some people face out here.

Not long after this time was when I would graduate high school and go on to college. I was fortunate that I lived close enough to the city to attend college while still living at home, so I took advantage of that, but it made it difficult to build meaningful relationships with my peers. That choice meant I sacrificed opportunities for social growth, and I’m lucky I even met the handful of people that I still talk to today.

Leading to college graduation and beyond is where I really look back at my life and think about the sacrifices I convinced myself I had to make. I continued to live at home until about the age of 25. I had a job and “friends” that I invested time into, but I was still stuck at home and helping out on the farm. Eventually, I did make the choice to move out, which meant sacrificing income (I lived at home practically rent free because I had an arrangement with my parents to do chores in exchange) that I had otherwise been funneling into video games and other entertainment. I didn’t move far away, as I still helped with chores on the farm, but the choices in living arrangements and jobs thereafter are where I feel I sacrificed the most. I never strayed far from home, from my family. While my sister moved further and further from home, chasing jobs and dreams (she did eventually move back home), I stagnated. Year after year, new things would come up that impacted my family in ways that I made the same sacrifices to stick around and help them out. I had convinced myself that I was kind of a “shield” for my family. That while my siblings were exploring the different facets of life, such as moving to different states (my sister) or settling down to start a family (like my younger brother) I was making the choice to miss out on those things in case they collectively needed me.

There was a point that I realized I COULD have ventured further afield, so to speak, and done more, but I was using my family as an excuse to not stray from my comfort zone. My own fears and insecurities were (and to a certain extent still are) my biggest obstacles that I keep making sacrifices to accommodate. Do I want to change jobs to try and make more money? Yes. Am I comfortable where I’m at because I’m afraid I won’t succeed? Also yes. In that regard, I have convinced myself in part that my sacrifices are that I’m needed where I’m at, which means I don’t grow professionally. Do I want to own a home? Yes, but the market where I live isn’t great for a single income unless you make more money than I do. Are there places I could go that are more affordable? Absolutely, but that means either sacrificing quality or moving out of state (which also means likely finding a new job.) I also happen to have a financially great living situation with my roommates, and it’s hard to part with that even though I’m also making a mental sacrifice to not having my own space to more deeply explore my hobbies, but I also sometimes use the housing market as an excuse to not leave. (I could totally afford to move into an apartment of my own again, but I’m just being picky about once again sharing walls with strangers.)

Life is full of sacrifices, even if they’re driven by fear and insecurities.

Being complimented

Taylor BurianLeave a comment
Daily writing prompt
What was the best compliment you’ve received?
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Unfortunately, this post might come across as a bit of a humble brag, but the prompt is practically asking for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate any and all compliments I receive, I just usually feel awkward about them because I don’t much like the attention.

A majority of the compliments I get are at work. My manager loves to sing our praises and acknowledges the gifts and talents that each of us on her team bring to the table. So, when she starts going with handing out the compliments I usually just respond in a manner that says “I was just doing what I was supposed to do.” or something of the sort. I apply myself to my job in the ways I know best and that’s all there is to it, so I don’t usually give it any extra thought.

As for an exact compliment, well, I don’t have one at hand because they’re all on Teams, my email, or in a Christmas card (or something similar) that I don’t recall where I stashed them.

I’ll paraphrase a compliment from my manager: “Taylor, I am so blessed to have you on the team and I don’t know where we would be without the gifts and talents you bring each and every day. Thank you for always being willing to jump in and use your skills with Power BI and Excel to help with creating new tools and reports to support the efforts of your teammates.”

As for whether that would qualify as the “best” compliment I ever received I couldn’t say, because, again, my manager likes to give them out frequently enough that I have a hard time selecting just one. (For the record, she doesn’t just give them out like candy, I maybe get compliments like this once a month.)